as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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