remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
