im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
