If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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