How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
