I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
