My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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