I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
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he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
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The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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