he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
