dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
