I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
