what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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