I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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