margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
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