Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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