Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
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He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
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Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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