I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
