I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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