DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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