If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Randomize
