Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
