Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
