That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
