and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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