I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
