Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
