Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
