I wanna bring you to show and tell
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Still dying that you shit outside
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
