she was so not down for the gang bang
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
