why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Come on in and take your pants off
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