It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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