Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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