whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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