my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
