Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
