I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
