he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
