i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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