Just cropdusted the office
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
only you would photoshop your dick
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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