He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
