Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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