I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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