guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize