She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
