Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
