I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
