My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
