WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
