Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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