The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I think i got beer on your cat.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
