After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
