Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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