I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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