Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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