just survived the first fart of the relationship.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
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Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
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He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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