Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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