i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
