i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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