Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I can't turn off my feet"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
