girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
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