She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
