i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
