as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
