I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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