I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
