my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
