Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
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I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
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Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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