I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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