In the future we'll all be gay
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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