I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
