Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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